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Particularly in romantic relationships, the topic tends to feel awkward, xhat, and sometimes even unnecessary. But the reality is you'll want to figure out a few ways to broach the subject, especially if your goal is to create a stronger connection. So, how do you talk to your partner about sex? And why does it feel so strange?
If a character is doing something you'd like to try, pointing it out is a natural way to begin talking about fantasies, new sex positions, or whatever else has been on your mind. And when did you finally learn the truth? Grant, PsyDa d clinical therapist, tells Bustle. If that's a concern for you, be honest and let your partner know. Sdxual your fantasies during late-night pillow talks, discuss sex the next morning, keep those sexts going — and you should both begin to feel sxeual comfortable.
Even if you've been together forever, "you'll need to keep the conversation going," O'Reilly says, "as needs, interests, and boundaries vary from day to day. You might even want to schedule a time to talk, Grant says, so that it feels less sudden. But when it comes time to start a sext conversationI get totally tongue-tied — or rather, finger-tied. Anticipation is sexy!
Saying something simple like, "You know what I've always wanted to do Justin Lehmillera social psychologist and research fellow at The Kinsey Institute, tells Bustle this will not only help you into the topic, but it will help normalize conversations about sex, and make it easier to talk about bigger wants, turn-ons, or problems areas in the bedroom. So, how do you talk to your partner about sex? But there will likely be moments throughout the day, like when you kiss in the morning, or when they hug you from behind as you make coffee, that can serve as a stepping stone, too.
Use these moments to say, "You know what?
Pick A Good Time To Talk Of course, you can always take a deep breath and say, in a straightforward way, that you have a few things on your mind that you'd like to share. Particularly in romantic relationships, the topic tends to feel awkward, uncomfortable, and sometimes even unnecessary. For instance, some people get nervous about sexting because they don't know what to say. Sensual couple lying in bed together, hugging after sex, talking and smiling, satisfied girlfriend and boyfriend enjoying romantic moment at home, looking in eyes, man holding in arms woman close up Shutterstock 1.
You won't, for instance, want to bring up the topic when you're cranky, or tired, or late for work. Keep It Lighthearted You won't want to start this conversation with the dreaded "we need to talk," Jaime Bronstein, LCSWa psychotherapist and d clinical social worker, tells Bustle.
Asking each other fun, quirky, or interesting questions. Keeping it light will combat awkwardness, Bronstein says, while also contributing to a peaceful conversation, and more open-mindedness.
Start Off By Sexting One big advantage that sexting has over face-to-face interaction is the freedom it gives you to test the esxual, share intimate thoughts, and start a deeper conversation about sex — without the pressure of broaching the subject in person. Instead, admit that talking about sex has felt a bit off-limits or taboo. Talk About Sex More Often Once you've eased past the first few potentially awkward conversations, make a point of discussing sex more often, so that it becomes second nature.
Or does it bring up bad memories? I think it's so hot when you sexul that. Sending a steamy message in the middle of the day is way less intimidating, and can help break the ice.
If you're nervous about initiating a sexy conversation, Caitlin V. Letting your partner know is important so that they can be more aware of what you don't like, and support you in avoiding that going forward. Be sure to read the situation as best as you can to see if they're in the mood and available for it. The same goes for pointing out something your partner does that now counts as one of your new favorite turn-ons. Couples may put off these conversations time and again because bringing these topics to light can mean rocking the boat or digging up some potentially embarrassing or unpleasant feelings.
Focus on communicating and leave your inhibitions at the door. In fact, I think I get seuxal excited hearing descriptions of what someone might like to do with me than actually doing it.
Afterward, gather your thoughts so you can go into the conversation with a few specific questions, concerns, etc. Chances are they've felt the same way, Grant says, and will appreciate the fact you're creating a safe space to be vulnerable.
Alternately, if you're watching a scene that makes you uncomfortable, "ask them how it makes them feel," O'Reilly says, and be honest about why it's turning you off. Jess O'Reillya resident sexologist at Astroglidetells Bustle. Who knows, you might even want to start trying it right then and there. And why does it feel so strange? As Grant says, sharing what you like will encourage more of the same. Is there something about ethics or morals?
Not to mention, it totally counts as foreplay. Because that will only make your partner's blood run cold, and put them on edge. Try one of these tonight, and your phone will provide its own form of erotica for days to come.
Instead, choose a time when you can both settle into the couch, get comfy, and chat. Admit that you can't stop thinking about it, and go from there. This should go without saying, but you should only send these kinds of messages to someone you have an established relationship with and know would enjoy them. But the reality is you'll want to sexial out a few ways to broach the subject, especially if your goal is to create a stronger connection.
It'll also be a great time to talk about consent. From there, once you do start talking about things like fantasies, be sure you validate each other. Be Enthusiastic About What You Like The next time something sexy happens, and you're all about it, make sure to let your partner know.
In fact, communication is the secret to good sexso start by getting yourself in the moodand then give a few of these conversation starters a try. Expert: Caitlin V.
Instead, "have fun with the conversation," she says.
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